so i have probably lost my job already... and that really sucks because i actually like this job and i really like most of the people that i work with. if i wasn't so screwed up and could keep a job... be reliable and all that stuff that normal people have to do everyday. i would probably keep this job for a long time, like throughout me going to college and all that... but no... i don't know how to grow up. i still act like i'm a teenager... i don't wanna have to act like an adult. it doesn't seem like fun to me... i really have to start changing but i don't really know where to begin... i have been a screw up for so many years that it is what i'm used to... and change is a process... a slow process. i really have to start praying more and asking for guidance so i can get back on the right track. i was doing so damn well, like the best i'd ever done since i started doing smack. i have to get that back, but i'm at a loss and it sucks... i'm hurting badly because i've lost everything i worked so hard to gain but yet, i still can't do anything about it. i don't know... i just pray that i don't lose any more than i already have cuz if i do i'm going to go into a major, major depression and once i fall into one of those states, it seems like it is impossible to crawl my way back out... so yeah. i don't know what to do but whatever it is, i need to do it, and do it as fast as i can.
i don't wanna be rude so i'm going to get off of the computer so i can spend some time with steve... but uhh, yeah... please anyone who reads this, keep me in your prayers and hope that i can get myself back on the right track... i just hope i can do this before it is too late... i really do...