NymPhaTic LoaD (deathlustr) wrote,
NymPhaTic LoaD
deathlustr

dammit

well i still cannot think of a screen name... i am retarded... i really do want to start over though and get a new livejournal.
so yeah... should i go to Sacred Heart in Memphis, MI on Tuesday??? Or should i meet with Recruiter Moses instead??? I told him about my misdemeaner and that doesn't matter... but I have to pay off my traffic tickets to enlist. So... When I was speaking to him last night, he called, he told me to stop worrying about it and that he was going to see what he could do about helping me to pay my tickets... so we'll see. I really really think that I want to do this... I really think it'd be so damn good for me... I mean, the pros outweigh the cons majorly... I am very worried that my past psychiatric history is going to fuck me though... There has gotta be a way around it... If anyone that reads this knows anything about this, please drop me a comment and let me know... I really know nothing about it, other than I get paid very well and I'll feel so good about myself... I'll, for the first time in a long time, feel like I am doing something productive and useful with my life... And I got nothing more to lose... I have lost everything already. So God I pray that I can enlist. I need this. I need this badly... And I told this to Recruiter Moses how important this was to me... So he said that he would do everything in his power to help me out... Yeah... So I don't know... It's weird, I hadn't considering enlisting in a few years, I was going to at the one point but I got scared of leaving my "friends" my "soulmate" and my "family"... well, all of those things are gone now and I live in a shit hole so I have to do something to feel okay about myself and this is perfect... I want to go to school so badly and this is my ticket... They will pay for it... I need the help and I just really feel that this'll make me learn self-esteem and self-respect and a sense of self-purpose...
Yeah... well the library is closing now, I got here with only like, 13 minutes to use the computer so bye bye now.
Wish me luck and prayers would help as well...

peace
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