NymPhaTic LoaD's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
NymPhaTic LoaD

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Thursday 12 Oct 2006|03:36pm]
[ mood | listless ]

hello. how goes it? i'm once again sitting in steve's apartment. it is stupid because his computer is in his room and i guess in the apartments they can't have people of the opposite sex in their rooms... so yeah. i don't know. the two-faced bitch that works here said i couldn't be in here, so what, is steve supposed to lug his computer out of his room so i can go online... so the door is open right now... gay... the point of the apartments is to get these guys even more independent and they cannot even have their girlfriends in their rooms... how is that independence??? i don't know. but yeah... so i didn't have to work today, they crossed me off of the schedule cuz i think that they realized that i had over forty hours... that's okay though because i slept in... the staff kept waking me up though because she had a meeting with sherman and since i was the only consumer home, and i can't be at the house alone, i was going to have to get up and go with her to corporate and i would've had to sit in the vending area for the entire meeting... stupid ass hell. i would have to rearrange all of my plans and stop my life to go sit and stare at a vending machine. that is why this program is a crock of shit... i'm not going to burn down the house if i'm alone there... i really really want out of this program... it is no longer helping me at all, it is just hindering me, for real... and i'm scared i am going to fall hard if i continue living here. all the benefits have ran out for me... it was good for me in the beginning, i totally admit that and am grateful for it. i wouldn't have gotten sober without it. but damn, i don't know!!! suck.
but it was cool steve picked me up so i didn't have to go to the corporate office with vera. he took me to the IHOP and i got some coffee cake strudel pancakes, they were pretty good. i go to the IHOP in livonia and i have to say that the last two times i was in there, i had above and beyond service from the waitresses... they are really good. so she got a 33% tip today....
i don't know... i gotta go though because steve has to go work. i have to go to garapy today... cool. and then my daddy is going to come and pick me up and do something.... yeah... and then hopefully i'll get to see my BUMPY today... i don't know... but yeah. i gotta go bye bye

>

Mistress Rix

slash me

Yeah [Wednesday 11 Oct 2006|01:23pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Okay, I'm at Steve's apartment right now... I have to be to work in three hours... Yay... Yesterday was my first day off since Friday and I spent the majority of that day wishing that I was at work, hah. I was just bored and idle yesterday. And Ricki is not good when she is idle. That is very unhealthy for Ricki because I start getting caught up in my own head and then it seems like whenever I have too much idle time, Pete starts trying to poke his head in and get addictive thoughts running through my mind... Hmmm... No Pete. Pete needs to go and fuck off, for real. :) But yeah, I really enjoy my job... And my assistant manager is totally gorgeous.
I stay busy at work and I have different tasks all the time, I'm never stuck doing the same thing for very long, and I still haven't even been trained at all in the photo department... So I'm going to be learning so much more.
Last night I got to see my Bumpy!!! It was awesome, his dad actually let him borrow the car. So he came and picked me up... and he let me drive!!!! Haha. I love driving so much, it is one of my favorite things to do. He bought me a cappucino, a muffin, a cookie, a soda, eyeliner, a compact, mascara, and a bat mug... Nice... He's been a really great guy since he's gotten sober... He's been the man that I met six years ago. And I'm so happy for him. Now I just hope that he becomes truly happy. He deserves it. He really does. I just really hope that he doesn't settle. He doesn't have to settle for anything or anybody... he's smart, sexy, attractive, kind-hearted, nice, sweet, romantic, sensual, passionate, funny, creative (musically and artistically). Yeah... I've never met anyone like him before... And I don't think I ever will. He still is my soulmate... We seriously are soulmates. We know each other so well, and we are absolutely comfortable with each other in every way, shape and form... It's awesome. I can totally be Ricki when I am with him, I don't have to hold back anything.... and I can do anything in front of him... Yeah.
I don't know. So it was really good to see him...
I'm so sick of this program I am in though... Like today I was gathering my purse and all that crap and Steve was in the back part of the house with me talking to me while I was finishing getting ready and the staff (Ineda- the gossip queen) comes back there and says "he can't be back here" and that is stupid cuz it's not like we were doing anything... She tried to make it seem like she was telling me this for my benefit, so I wouldn't get in trouble... She's like "Alecia was just here and what if she had come back here and seen you, she would have thought something" and I said, no I know her pretty well and I don't think first of all that she would give a shit or give a second thought to it and she would see it for what is was, him standing there talking with me... Not us naked on the floor doing it... Damn... I really like most of the staff but not Ineda... She was going around saying one of the other staff smokes weed with the clients and that same staff member was wearing a really short skirt and looking like a hoochie... And Ineda also said that one of the staff was going out into the company van and blowing one of the consumers... And so if anyone thought anything about Steve being near my room, it would be her and she would be the one to start the fucking rumor... Ahh well... She got in my shit because I wasn't exactly kind about her saying shit to me... And I told her that I really didn't care if she thought I was rude, I don't get paid to be in that house like her, and I don't have to be nice if I don't want to... So there. Blah.
I don't know.... I'm trying to be nice to people and I really am to most people, people that deserve it... I'm really trying to live by,
"THY WILL, NOT MY WILL"but it doesn't always work out... I have been feeling a little cut off from God lately... like there has been a wall between Him and me. And I really don't like to feel spiritually bankrupt... but it's getting better because I'm sincerely trying to improve in that area, and He knows it... I ask him to surround me with His spirit every day and help me to feel close to Him... Asking Him to take my will and life really seems to work... My self-will is way too self-destructive and unhealthy... So yeah... The Twelve Steps are so awesome... I believe that everybody should have a knowledge of them, not just alcoholics and drug addicts... They are a way to a good, serene life... I keep an awareness of the Steps in my everyday affairs... yeah...
I miss my AA meetings, I haven't been able to attend many at all lately... From now on, I'm going to be working until close a lot so I can't attend my meetings... I'm going to have to open my mind a little bit and find other meetings to go to and meet other people in the Program besides the ones I'm currently comfortable with right now... I really need to find younger people in Recovery for me to spend time with and hang out with because I yearn for contact with people my age and most of the ones I know are going to keep me cut off spiritually. People in the Program are all trying to do the same things and become the best people they can be... And those are the kind of people I wanna be around. Yeah... So I should go, I'm being kind of rude cuz Steve is just chilling on his bed and I won't let him read this as I'm writing it so bye bye. God Bless.

slash me

[Tuesday 10 Oct 2006|02:19pm]
[ mood | restless ]

what up... how goes it
I'm sitting at my boy's house right now online...
I haven't been able to get on the computer in long ass time cuz I've had no where to go... And I've been working a lot... Wow, I cannot believe I've not gotten fired yet...


DAN!!!!!! call me!!!

3 skars|slash me

[Thursday 28 Sep 2006|02:39pm]
nymphetamine
slash me

Cast Down [Thursday 28 Sep 2006|02:27pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Mother fucker... I am so out of the loop for everything in the world... So I wanted Ohio State tickets, but I didn't realize that I would've had to buy them forever ago... The cheapest for the OSU/MI ST game is $83, which is reasonable but I'd need to buy two and it is two weeks for now, not exactly in my price range.... And the game I really wanna see in Columbus... U of M/Ohio State... The cheapest ticket (and I can only find one) is $250 and they go up to $1,925... WTF???
So I guess it's gonna be me and my t.v.... :(
Oh well... But other than that things have been going really well... I'm doing well and I got a job and I took my drug test for it today so I'll probably start after the weekend... I've been attending quite a few meetings this week, good for me... I've been getting outside of myself and doing things for others for once and it's a good feeling... I'm losing a lot of my self-centeredness... faith is good. really good... I don't know... Other than all that not much really... I'm just event happy... I wanna go to football and shows... BUCKCHERRY, I really wanna see that one... And I wanna see Atreyu and some other shows... Oh yeah!!! I wanna see Children of Bodom a lot... So hopefully I'll get to see at least one of them...
But damn about the football.... I'm really disappointed. At least I know now for next time... I just have to make sure that I ask for work off so I can watch my games at least....
Ohio State yeah...

The end... :)

2 skars|slash me

[Sunday 24 Sep 2006|02:17pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Hello... So I am sitting at my daddy's house downloading new music... yay... I'm happy. I went to a meeting this morning at Maplegrove, it was pretty good but it is very obvious my sponsor is unhappy with me... So... I don't know...
But Whatever...
So football was good yesterday... OSU won... And the mich st and notre dame game was great. Okay...
Yeah... :)
So no more online for me for a while....
S L A Y E R

slash me

[Friday 22 Sep 2006|02:19pm]
Okay... So I have been busted... Last night I was hanging out with another client at one of the other houses... He had been drinking and even though I had told him if he wasn't sober not to call me he had his friend come pick me up anyway. Hung out for like, an hour and then I had to be home for curfew... He decided to take the company van (which he had a spare key for) to drive me home... So he'd been drinking and the staff at that house found out he took the van so a police report has been made and now my name is involved as well... Fuckin A... So now I have REALLY learned my lesson and I totally need to avoid dangerous situations... Why the hell am I going to be around drinking and drugging if I don't do it? And why the HELL would I let myself be involved in illegal activities??? So I'm not anymore... I just hope I do not get grounded over this...
Yeah...
1 skar|slash me

YEAH [Friday 22 Sep 2006|10:20am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Okay... So after work yesterday I had to go to my Garapy... I love my therapist dude, he is awesome. And he told me I was "relapse mode" because I told him that I like some of my past dope men... Sorry, but some of them were cool or nice or helpful or whatever and nothing is going to change the fact that I like them... And also, because I was saying that I truly love the feeling of being drunk or being smacked up... Once again, sorry, but that is just the truth. And it's an honest Program they say... If I hadn't enjoyed the feeling of getting fucked up, then why would I have ended up using enough for it to become a habit? Because I like it, duh. I don't think that has anything to do with me being in "relapse mode" because I'm not craving to use or anything... As long as I try to work on my relationship with my H.P. and ask for help and guidance, I will be all right... I have faith in that. Of course I had good times when I was using, I really enjoyed the experience a few times. I just can't do it now.
I mean, if I was going to relapse I probably would have already done it. I've been around alcohol, weed, and opiate pain killers, and I didn't feel the need to pick up any of it...
Not that I'm going to continue to test myself, but I have to be strong enough to turn stuff down if it is around, because some things like alcohol are going to be around no matter what I do. I have a healthy fear of relapse. "I would rather be dead than become strung out again" -- I said that not too long ago, when the pain was still an open wound... I have to keep that in mind, because the further away from your last one you get, the pain isn't so great anymore and you addictive mind starts to tell you that you can do just a little and be alright... but it's not true at all... Of course it'd be nice to go have a few beers and watch the game tonight, but I know if I do that, I may just want to go shoot some dope before the next game... You never know...
Even though all my horrid past behaviors don't have to haunt me today because of my 4th and 5th Step, but I cannot forget the crap that came along with my using. I don't want to be that person anymore, and as long as I continue doing what I am doing, I'll be alright, for today at least...
So I'm learning to be positive instead of negative... See? Didn't I do well??

slash me

FOOTBALL [Thursday 21 Sep 2006|12:13pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Okay... So I'm totally into football for some reason. It's cool. Ohio State is doing awesome... That's sweet... I wanna go down to Columbus to see the Ohio State/Michigan game in November so I need to hurry up and pay my tickets so I can drive. Mini-road trip. I really want to go and I don't know ANYONE that would even want to go to a football game here, let alone having to drive to see one...
Matt decided he needed to go date/fall in love with/who the hell know what with a ex-stripper bitch. Why he decided to call and tell me, I do not know. The last thing I want to hear is that he has gotten over me, because a part of me will probably never be over him. I just cannot be his friend at all if he is seeing someone... And I know that makes me a total hypocrite, considering that I've dated plenty of guys since him and I have broken up and he has stayed friends with me, but I'm not him and I just can't handle it. I don't tell him when I go on a date or anything because why would he want to hear that? So why would he tell me that this nasty ho could "be the one" and if they date they are going to be together "for a long time". He told me he didn't really even think she was pretty... Matt's pretty hot, he could get a really good girl, but he settles for pieces of shit and that really pisses me off. He deserves better but why the hell doesn't he go after it??? I'm not saying I'm all that, because I know I'm not, but when you first meet a guy you like, the first thing you say to him is "I used to be a stripper"... NO. That's not what you say. Uhhh!
This has totally screwed with my serenity
even more. And that is not okay with me. I don't know why, but it seems like a bunch of crap has just been set before me to deal with... And I don't know if I can handle it properly... I'm trying very hard to use faith and trust but sometimes it gets difficult. But I spoke with my sponsor and my grand sponsor and my great grand sponsor about it and I feel a little better than I did yesterday but I still am just not right.
Yeah... So there. Sucks. But I do have faith that it will get better.

2 skars|slash me

dude... [Wednesday 20 Sep 2006|11:24am]
[ mood | cold ]

Okay... So I can't find a photo editing program on this computer... I'm trying to shrink some pictures but this computer just has office programs... All I have is Paint. And I haven't used that program since like, the first week I ever owned a computer... Yeah. So I didn't get a call back for a second interview... I'm a loser. Oh well though. I have another interview today at three so we'll see if I screw this one up too.
I just got off the phone with my hot case manager. He's so sexy... But anyway. I asked him to give me a later curfew, he said in a month. I asked for him to let me go out without letting staff know the day prior, in a month... It's only because he doesn't feel like redoing my P.C.P. and then having to redo it again in a month, when I move to the SIP apartments. Oh well. Too bad. Whatever.
Yeah. So everyone is in a meeting and I'm just sitting here by myself once again. And I gotta pee. BRB.
Brrr.. I'm fucking freezing. And I don't have anything that I can wear to work that is warm at all. So I have a little teeny velvet zip-up hoodie on... The warmest thing in my possession at this time is a hook-ups hoodie, and that really is so not appropriate for this job.
So I stay cold, but the good thing about it being cold outside today and me in my little hoodie is that I do NOT want to step outside to smoke a smoke. I would freeze my tail off. I shoulda brought a blanket. :)

10 skars|slash me

[Tuesday 19 Sep 2006|12:45pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Okay... So I had an interview this morning at Best Buy and I guess it went all right, but I just cannot believe that they have 2nd interviews for something as simple as a damn cashier... but oh well... If they call me back, they call me back, if they don't then they don't. We'll see. I hate interviews because I get so so so nervous and I 'umm' and 'you know' a lot... haha.
Oh well. So I went out to Waterford last night for a meeting. It was good, saw some of my homies from my prior attempt at recovery. Saw Dan. Cool. Anywho. Yeah. Then I got home and spoke on the phone with my sponsor for a while and spoke with my special friend. Yeah.
I'm getting paid to look up haunted houses in the area because I guess all the clients are going to have a Halloween party/go to a haunted house or something... I hate having things like that on me, cuz if it sucks I'll feel like it is my fault but oh well. Yeah. I'm bored now. I got some plans for later on today and I really hope that they go through because there is somebody that I really want to hang out with. Yeah, I'm finally getting a social life back. And yeah, I have to admit that it was starting to interfere with my recovery... I've been rushing doing my reading/meditations instead of MEDITATING on them... Duh... Oh well... But I know better. Social acceptability does not equal recovery. So I need to spend more time chilling at home doing what I need to be doing, like keeping my priorities straight and I need to avoid anyone that likes to drink/get high... cuz I'm just not ready to be around that stuff right now. If I continue doing it, I'M GOING TO USE!!! And believe me, I do not want to become a strung-out junkie loser again. I lived like that for like, six fucking years and I'm DONE (at least I pray that I am done).
***********************
So I found my song online finally, I had NO clue who did the song but it was so catching I had to find it and it was on SoulSeek surprisingly. SENTENCED
i kill myself
i blow my brains onto the wall
see you in hell
i will not take this anymore
now this is where it ends
this is where i will draw the line
excuse me while
i end my life

or something like that... dude, it is just so damn catchy, it should seriously have been played on the radio. I had had it on one of those hot topic metal for the masses compilations, the first one i think, but i had lost the case and eventually the c.d. and i never had found out who did it. so i'm excited. So it's on my MISTRESS MIXXX now... :) Yay.
Free music is my best friend, for real. I got my homey music and my metal and my cheese (goo goo dolls, gin blossoms, pat benetar) I'm so cool... My taste in music is very versatile BUT also, I'm totally close-minded about music at the same time. Oh- and I always like things, like three years after they came out, I'm totally not "hip" or whatever."I like what I like and that is it and you can't change it and if you don't like what i like then you suck" --- Ricki, the radio Nazi. Yeah.
Gur gur gurgle
Only three more hours of work left, I need to go smoke me a smoke. It's been over two hours. I'll die if I don't go... No I won't, I have been so much better about smoking, I can make a pack last two and a half days sometimes... I've only had three skwerrs today...
See?????? It is totally obvious that I just keep pressing keys because I have absolutely nothing better to do, well that's not true... I could be reading my DROP THE ROCK (mandatory), but I don't feel like it right now... Oh my goodness... My "spiritual condition" has been shaken..

1 skar|slash me

[Monday 18 Sep 2006|01:10pm]
so i have two interviews this week... cool, people actually are calling me back in spite of my shitty job history...
yay
slash me

gurgle gurgle [Monday 18 Sep 2006|09:02am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

So I missed half of the concert... But I have a newfound respect for Godsmack, they really did put on an awesome show... and I missed Shinedown, sucks cuz I heard they were really good. Everyone was drinking and smoking weed in the car on the way there besides Ricki... Hmm... Oh well... I ended up having a good time anyway. But next time I go to a show I need to have a sober ally with me. Yeah... Oh well... Got to watch some football yesterday, finally. I need to get a t.v. for my room so I can enjoy the suckiness of the Lions some more.
Yeah..............
At work... Don't feel very well. Moo.

slash me

[Friday 15 Sep 2006|12:57pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Hmmm... So yay... I only owe $543.60 towards my tickets... And then I have to go in front of the Secretary of State review board to see if I'm eligible to get my license reinstated... Sweet... Since things are just going to wonderfully, I'm assuming that once I pay these tickets that I will most likely be able to get a license back... And that's awesome... So I need I'll say, about $800 to do all that and then I need x-amount to buy a car... Sweet... I'll be driving in no time at all. And that is totally awesome. I'm so excited! I wanna drive.

1 skar|slash me

Friday [Friday 15 Sep 2006|10:28am]
Okay.... So I am at work, but I didn't come to work for the past two days... On Wednesday, I had a dentist appointment... And eewww, they extracted two of my teeth... One wisdom tooth and another one. Ouch... So of course the dentist offers me Vicodin. And I have to turn it down. :( Nah, it's no big deal, because if I had filled a scrip for Vix, I would have taken probably three, four, five, six, at one time. And that probably would've made me want to go and shoot some dope. Yeah. So I feel a lot better today so I came to the job. When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were, I'm not going to work, I'm not doing anything today, I'm just going to lay here and do nothing. But then I got up to smoke a smoke and I said, "yeah, I'll go to work, it's the right thing to do". Damn, I'm becoming a normal person, what gives????
And after work today, I'm going to the Rob Zombie/Godsmack/Shinedown concert. Free ticket so yeah. And I haven't been to a concert in like, two years. And I like White Zombie and a few Shinedown songs, but godsmack sucks... But oh well... At first I didn't have any concerns about the fact that there is going to be alcohol all over the place and weed, I HATE weed but still it might trigger me to wanna do something else... And alcohol is always fun but I CANNOT alter my mind in any way... Yep. I just hope I'll be able to concentrate just on the music and not be focusing on the fact that I wanna drink and can't, ya know???
So yeah.
yeah.
yeah...
I dunno... I'm going to have to miss my favorite a.a. meeting tonight because of the concert, you know what??? I'm totally bummed I'm missing a meeting! Crazy huh?
Oh well, if it weren't for the specific meetings I attend and my sponsor and crew, I would be strung out in a gutter somewhere in the D. Eww... So thank GOD for meetings! I cannot believe I'm "one of those" now, but yeah, I freely admit it, I am and I'm totally grateful for all of the nothing I have now. Because this nothing isn't going to kill me. And I can gradually gain things now if I work for them. Yeah... :)
So yeah, life is good today... I'm alright. And I'm content.... <----- did I really just type that???? nah.... ;)
Ricki
2 skars|slash me

[Tuesday 12 Sep 2006|01:50pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Hmm... Okay, now I'm the only one here... Sherman and Simon stepped out for a minute... So I am journaling, well, journaling on real paper with a pen... AND on here too I guess...
Now I'm getting all anxious about how much I'm going to be paid... And I don't want to ask because I don't want to Sherman to think I don't appreciate whatever I'm getting, because I do... A lot of people just keep saying, well it's more than you were making, which was nothing and I've made a resume which I wouldn't have been able to do if I weren't here. So I don't know... Whatever... At least this is preparing me to get back into the job thing... And damn I repeat myself way the hell too much but who cares... No one reads this thing anymore anyway... I'm just a loser now with no friends because I decided that heroin was more important than friends, family, a job, a license, a job, a fucking roof over my head... It was more important than self-respect, sanity, health, everything...
But I'm changing everything now and I guess I'm just kinda frustrated because things aren't happening fast enough and yeah, there are some things I cannot change, but certain things I do have a little bit of control over, like me finding some kind of income. I've just been lazy and haven't felt like it and I won't walk anywhere cuz I'm a sloth. I'm always tired for some reason, and I could drink ninety-eight cups of coffee in a row and still be nodding off.
I don't know what I want for myself really... I know I want to drive and I know I want to start finally attending college... But I just want those things to slip into place with out me having to arrange them, or pay for them. Lately I've been so good at accepting things and knowing my part in them, but I can't be perfect all the time and I get fed up with people, places, things, myself especially. I need to relax and AAAARGHHH!
Relax. No way. Don't have time. I have too much other stuff that I need to complete PERFECTLY... I want to stop having to do every fucking thing to the extreme... I need to find a healthy balance and I just can't do it... If I don't accomplish the things I feel are necessary, than I feel like I failed for the day... I have to do my meditations every day, my books every day, my c.d.'s everyday, my journal every day, my phone calls every day, my gay ass chore every day, maintain keeping my room clean every day, being as good to others as I can every day, helping people out every day... It's too much... Writing it down it seems like nothing but to attempt to fit it all in and try to have a minimum of a social life is not easy... And now I have to fit a real job in there (if any one of these places I've applied even will grant me an interview). I've fucked up so many jobs in the past and I have the shittiest resume ever. No good references, nada.

::sigh::

And I consume WAY too much caffeine to be able to function up to the speed that I feel I need to, that today, I haven't been able to drink any caffeine, I feel totally shitty, headache, back ache, seeing spots, tired, pissy, bitchy, grumpy... And now I want to complain about me complaining to much!!! WTF?
Ooh and Recipient Rights just called... So that probably means that one of the dumbass guys in TSCS is trying to claim a rights violation... The other people in this program are totally whacked out of their heads... and the sad thing is, is that obviously I must be too if I qualified to be in this program... Hmm... LOL.
Damn and the phone's ringing again... It hasn't hardly rang all damn day and now because I'm pissy and I'm venting it wants to ring every two minutes... Go away phone people...
Maybe I'm not the sort of person that should have a job with the public/customer assistance because when I'm angry or whatever, I'm angry to the utmost extreme...
Why can't I just function like a normal person??? Not be all over the place all the time....???....
I have been really trying to work on my spirituality lately and improve my conscious contact with God, giving my will and life over... Cuz obvuously I don't know how to act right. I really don't... I'm self-centered and it's not something that I am proud of... I really wish I weren't but even when I try to get outside of myself and doing something nice for someone else without expecting a thank you (which my sponsor told me I have to do every day) I end up feeling good about myself that I did something for someone else, which just makes me realize that the only reason I did something for someone else is so I could feel good about myself... I don't know and here's the other thing... I am writing bad shit about myself right now that even as I am writing this sentence I know isn't always true, I do have good qualities and I'm a kind-hearted person. I'm just fucked up and I'm typing it on here instead of writing it in my private journal because I just cannot write as fast as I would need to to be able to write all this retarded shit down...
Anyway. I'm going to shut up and stop venting about dumb stuff...

God Bless

RIXIE

4 skars|slash me

Gurgle gurgle [Tuesday 12 Sep 2006|10:00am]
Sitting once again in the office filling out job applications... Fun stuff...
1 skar|slash me

[Monday 11 Sep 2006|02:20pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I am currently sitting in the corporate office of Taylor Special Care Services, acting as "temporary receptionist". Cool I guess.... Well, the cool part is that I get to be online cuz there really isn't shit to do... :) Nah, it was nice of Sherman to let me work for this week. It is actually helping me to feel more confident about continuing to apply for jobs.
Now I just need to convince Rob that I am ready to move out of the home into the apartment... I AM ready... I'm working an AMAZING Program and my sponsor is totally wonderful and helpful, and her sponsor and her sponsor... Yeah...
Life is pretty good today. I cannot complain, though I do when I have my Gary sessions. He told me that I complain too much today, and I responded by saying, "I come here to vent, this is my therapy". I don't just bitch all day to everybody, that would be wrong. I'm pretty damn patient for me and tolerant and accepting of every situation that I've put myself it because now I realize that I am the only one that can get me out of it!
So yeah...
Bye bye
I cannot believe it but I'm getting bored with typing and usually I love to type... Tired... zZzz ZzZZz

1 skar|slash me

[Sunday 27 Aug 2006|12:51pm]
Hmm...
Well, I don't even have anything to write... And that's really strange for me... I'm sitting at the parentals house listening to some Zeppelin and being tired from the rain... I'm getting sick of sitting at the Farmington Hills house, but all my "friends" are strung-out or something equally worse so I don't hang out with anybody... And it's not exactly easy to find people to hang out with in Farmington Hills, especially with the intensive guidelines of the program I'm in, but it's cool... I'm better off than I was and I am extremely grateful for that. I want to start doing things normal people do though... Like, get a job, get my license back so I can finally drive again, etc.
Yeah...
5 skars|slash me

[Friday 28 Jul 2006|02:25pm]
So I'm at my parent's house right now and I dunno... Sitting here. Hanging out with my father. Getting away from the shithole I live in. Tired. Lazy. ZzZzzzz.........
Wanna sleep...
1 skar|slash me

navigation
[ viewing | 20 old ]
[ go | past*later ]